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Title says it all.  Seriously.  Just get your cat some fake glasses and maybe a sweater with leather patches on the elbows or something, and head down to Brolores park.  This saturday 2 August 2014.

 

http://www.thebolditalic.com/articles/5486-bring-your-hipster-cat-to-dolores-park-on-sat

 

And we know it.  And we tell people.  We’re not shy about it.  In fact we’re downright snotty about it sometimes.  In further fact no place in America is as snobby as Palo Alto.  And if someone were to somehow bring some Cardinals down a peg, Bizarrofornia will still be well represented in the snoblympics by San Rafael, Walnut Creek, Laguna Niguel, and Encinitas.

That means it’s ok to socially discriminate against people who don’t say “hella,” right?

http://www.breitbart.com/Breitbart-California/2014/07/30/Palo-Alto-is-Americas-Snobbiest-City

 

One rainy day years ago a police officer knocked on my door and informed me that it is illegal to dump in a storm drain.  Makes sense, but what was I dumping?  Water.  The ongoing deluge threatened to overflow my pool, which can have expensive consequences, so I had been pumping the rain water from my back yard into the storm drain in the front.

Yup that’s right folks.  It’s illegal to put rainwater in a storm drain.  Only in Bizarrofornia.

On an unrelated but parallel note, seems like it’s also illegal to water your lawn now … and also illegal to not water your lawn…

http://www.ijreview.com/2014/07/158855-california-couple-following-drought-water-conservation-rules-faces-fine-brown-yard/

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2014/07/19/california-couple-faces-fine-for-brown-lawn-after-complying-with-water-saving/

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I love cheese too but this is kind of ridiculous.

http://www.kgw.com/news/Missing-Tillamook-Cheese-VW-buses-found-in-CA-self-storage-business-267155691.html

 

We all know Bizarrofornia is expensive.  This just makes it seem a bit ridiculous.  One of the world’s few remaining actual literal kings, with the crown and everything, can’t afford the rent here.

http://www.sfweekly.com/2014-07-02/news/your-humble-narrator-kingdom-of-tonga-tonga-room-burlingame/

 

 

 

California’s state legislature has called for a constitutional convention.  Quick refresher: if 2/3 of states (34) call a constitutional convention, that convention has free license to rewrite the constitution.  (Subject to ratification by 3/4 of states afterward.)

California now becomes the second state (after Vermont) to call for such a convention.  There are also movements toward a similar resolution in Indiana, Utah, and North Carolina.

This probably won’t amount to anything.  Without 34 states on board no convention happens.  But if 34 state legislatures do agree to hold a constitutional convention, whatever they write becomes amendments to — or deletions from — or other changes or replacements — our new constitution.  Add a right to privacy?  Remove a right to guns?  Bring back a monarchy?  Anything is possible.  Think of a constitutional convention as our current constitution’s self-update feature.

Legislators passed the resolution asking for a convention to overturn Citizens United, the 2010 supreme court decision which declared corporations to be people and allowed them to buy elections but once called, a convention is not limited in scope to that.  Let’s scrap the whole thing and start over.  Here in Bizarrofornia.

 

 

“Under the proposed rules, at least 2 percent of all medical cannabis dispensed at a club would have to be provided at no cost to very low-income members. The pot has be of good quality, too.”

gwash

Government mandated free weed for low income stoners in a state where weed isn’t technically legal.  Only in Bizarrofornia.

A few years ago my friend came out his front door morning and his car wasn’t in his driveway.  What?  So he called the police and made a report.  What else do you do?  Later that afternoon he received a phone call telling him to show up at a particular address not far from his.  I accompanied him.

When we got there we saw a fat black man in a white wifebeater proudly washing his 5 “new” cars.  “Is that yours?” an officer asked my friend.  “Get it out of here.”  No paperwork.  No names.  No penalties were discussed.  That fat man straight up borrowed my friend’s car for a morning and that was that.

 

 

 

Turns out it’s not that uncommon.  Here in Bizarrofornia.

“Hey everybody, let’s protest gay pride!”

“But we’re gay and proud!”

“Shucks.  Well, all these people will be around.  We better find something to protest.”

event_flyer_prison

I can’t think of any other way this protest got started.  It’s gay people protesting a gay pride party at/by one of the gayest institutions on earth, in celebration of gay pride day.  Why?  Because the party isn’t the theme they wanted.

Gay Shame, an oddly named organization dedicated to, I don’t know, shaming gays? circulated this petition asking people to boycott this party because of its prison theme, citing statistics about gay people getting raped in prison.  To make it even funnier, an inside source tells me they wanted a dungeon theme instead.  What’s the difference between a prison and a dungeon?  About 200 years.

How does a prison party end?  With actual prison.

 

UPDATE: kink.com (the target of the protests) CEO responds to potests and their aftermath.  Look at 2:05 forv video of him at the protest, talking to police, wearing a latex police uniform.   http://www.behindkink.com/2014/07/02/peter-acworth-responds-to-the-pride-party-protest/

“There is nothing like the SF gay pride festival. It was there, that I saw a man fist another another man like he was Jim Henson. I never thought I would ever seen such a thing happen in public.”

sprint-to-the-miscarriage

“Alysia Montano came in last in the 800-meter qualifying race at the U.S. Championships but she still had the crowd cheering.”

Sure, the doctor said it’s ok, but is it really worth potentially making a “babytini”? Shaken, not stirred.

You know that jokeservation that you can tell the black area because it has schools named Thomas Jefferson and the blacker area because it has streets like Martin Luther King Jr. Way or Malcolm X ?

Have you ever seen a place so black that it has a Nelson Mandela Parkway?  Yup.  We got that.

With that thought in mind, I present the parade before gay pride: Trans March.  Yup.  We got that.  Here in Bizarrofornia.

 

http://www.sfgate.com/news/article/Thousands-turn-out-for-Trans-March-in-S-F-5585986.php

 

This isn't Whole Foods!

The Coast Guard rescued a 57-year-old man attempting to kayak from California to Hawaii on Tuesday morning, 11 days after he began his journey. Full story.

 

 

 

JUST LOOK AT THAT THING!

burrito

People are going to dress up like star wars characters to protest about high rents at Google’s I/O conference.

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http://techcrunch.com/2014/06/24/people-are-going-to-dress-up-like-star-wars-characters-in-sf-tomorrow-to-protest-google/

 

Just a few miles away at Google World Headquarters, different protesters will be protesting google about net neutrality.  They’re not protesting Google’s stance on the issue.  They’re picketing in front of an office building because they feel Google hasn’t worked hard enough on their behalf.

 

Only in Bizarrofornia.